When Tired Feels Holy

"This is for the ones who are tired of asking, tired of waiting, tired of hoping...yet still walking with Jesus."

It's been a minute since I wrote on here... but don't worry, I'm still alive–– just spiritually tired, emotionally hungry, and physically fasting. So basically thriving (HaHa). Honestly, I don't even think anyone checks this blog unless I share the link on social media. So if you're reading this, you either really love reading my journey, secretly love me... or you just got lost on the internet and stumbled into the hidden manna. Either way, Akwaaba. Time isn't real anyway (Ecclesiastes said it first). May God increase you.

Lately, I've been tired. Not just the kind of tired that sleep can't fix, but that soul-deep exhaustion where you say to God, "I don't want to keep asking for strength, because strength always seems to come with another test. I don't want to keep seeing signs of marriage, promises of more, and feel like nothing is in sight. I don't want my hopes played with."

I said that out loud in my spirit––and then on my way to work, a license plate slid in front of me that read Windir. I looked it up. It means "warrior". Right after, another car pulled up with 333 shining back at me.

Warrior. Trinity. Presence.

I sighed, because God has a way of speaking right when you're ready to stop listening.

The Shunammite Posture

It reminded me of the Shunammite woman in 2 Kings 4. She didn't ask for a son. She was fine serving God quietly, pouring into the prophet, living her life. But Elisha prophesied a child anyway, and her gut reaction was:

"No, my lord. Do not mislead your servant."

That's the heart posture of someone who's been let down before. She didn't want hope to taste sweet only to be ripped away. And yet, God gave her what she didn't even dare to dream for. And when it seemed lost, He resurrected it.

I get her. I feel her. Because sometimes not asking feels safer than risking heartbreak.

Walking With Jesus in the Tension

Even in my weariness, I'm still walking with Jesus. I'm fasting again––hungry for breakthrough, confirmation, clarity, rest, abundance. But I'm also learning that fasting isn't just about what I'm asking from God––it's about quieting my spirit long enough to actually listen.

Galatians 5 reminds me what the fruit of the Spirit looks like: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.

So I ask more questions:

If I don't see prosperity yet, can I at least anchor myself in peace?

If I don't see marriage yet, can I at least grow in patience?

If I don't see breakthrough yet, can I at least cling to faithfulness?

That's the test I keep circling back to.

And maybe you do too.

For You, If You're Tired

Maybe you're reading this and you're in the same place––your strength feels spent, your prayers feel recycled, your dreams feel delayed. You don't want to ask anymore because it hurts too much to want.

Well, here's what God wants us to know:

• Even when you stop asking, God doesn't stop remembering (Psalm 139:16)

• Even when you're weary, He promises rest (Matthew 11:28)

• Even when hope feels deferred, He still makes it a tree of life (proverbs 13:12)

So remember, you're not weak for being tired. You're human. And you're still a warrior, even if your fight today looks like crawling into God's presence whispering, "I can't."

Encouragement to Hold

God is not dangling promises like bait. He is not cruel with your hope. What He started, He intends to finish (Philippians 1:6). The Shunammite woman teaches us that it's okay to say, "Lord, don't play with my heart." And He teaches us back that He's not playing––He's perfecting. He is intentional. He is in the details.

So if you're tired like me, let's cling to this:

"And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up." (Galatians 6:9)

I don't know when the breakthrough comes. I don't know when the marriage shows up. I don't know when the abundance flows. But I know this: quitting isn't the end of the story. And if you're reading this, you story isn't finished either. God says, in His time He will make things happen. So keep walking. Keep waiting. Keep breathing. Even if all you can do is whisper His name, He's still near.

Closing Prayer

Father, I'm tired but I'm still here. Remind me that even when I can't see it, you're working. Even when I stop asking, You're still writing. Give me the courage not just to fight but to rest in You. Help me, to live by Your Spirit––choosing love when I want to shut down, peace when I want to panic, patience when I want to rush. And for anyone reading this who feels like me, lift the weight, steady their heart, and let them know they are not forgotten. In Jesus name, amen.