After the Fast: Love at the Register

"Jesus isn't just a reason for a season––He's he gift we need everyday. Surrender isn't a one-time fast; it's a daily walk that keeps our eyes on the Promiser, not just the promise."

After I finished I am Esther fast, something in me shifted and around me.

When you go into a fast like Esther did––not just to ask for something, but to align with God's will––you don't come out the same. The lord doesn't just prepare the table––He prepares you. What I didn't expect was how quickly I'd be tested in the very area He was refining: love.

Not the sweet, Instagram–worthy version of love––but the kind that disciplines, that corrects, that stands firm in truth even when it stings. The kind that says, "I love you too much to let you walk into pride without a check."

The Moment

I didn't understand the meaning of Christmas in July, until I took my goddaughter school shopping. No kids of my own––just two God-kids I've been entrusted with, and sometimes I still wonder why. But maybe now I see why. Because love isn't just living. It's also guiding.

She was full of excitement as we picked out clothes and shoes, enjoying the joy of choosing what she liked. But as we got to the register, she said something I never thought would never come out her mouth:

"I can't wait to show off. The kids are going to be jealous." My heart dropped.

In that split-second, I felt the weight of everything God's been showing me: about pride, about heart posture, about how the way we walk through favor matters just as much as receiving it. I didn't think. I just responded. Loud. Firm. Direct.

"Don't you ever say anything like that again. I will put everything back and you will walk out here with nothing."

It didn't stop there I was so upset and in disbelief. I looked at her and she can see that I was disappointed in her behavior. In that moment it was also teaching me, cover her with love. We sat in the car. I prayed to God to help me create a space where she feels safe to open up. I sat patiently and finally she began to cry and I felt every tear drop. It was so much weight. We talked and looking at her I seen me again. A child unheard, carrying burdens of others, striving to be perfect and not to mess up, keeping my mouth shut when elders were talking, suppressing how I felt.

Now before anyone gets any ideas, please don't mistake this, It wasn't about embarrassing her. It was about protecting her heart from a seed that––if left unchecked––could grow into something ugly. I know I hurt her feelings, but I also know the Father disciplines the ones He loves. I kept explaining. That boasting doesn't reflect a grateful heart. That there are kids who will go without this school year. That we don't use our blessings from God to puff up––we use the to lift up.

And in that moment, I felt God whisper: "Now you understand. This is what love looks like. This is what I do with you, with everyone."

Suddenly, the fast made sense. Esther didn't go before the king because she wanted a new outfit. She fasted because she was willing to stand in the gap––for her people, for her purpose, for the assignment on her life. And now, maybe I was being asked to do the same. Not in a palace. But in a store aisle.

To Be Continued...

I'm still processing everything, everything is still unfolding and falling into place. But, in that moment…I still ask myself: Was I too harsh? Could I have corrected her in private? Still learning how to lead with both truth and tenderness. But one thing I know for sure: God is calling me to more. Not just to pray like Esther...But to respond like her. To stand firm like her. To love fiercely––like the role model I never thought I'd become.

I don't have all the answers and I'm still unpacking God showed me during my Esther fast––but here's what I do know:

NOTHING MATTERS WITHOUT JESUS.

Not the fast, not the correction, not even the breakthrough I'm waiting on. It's all empty unless He's at the center. Because the truth is, I could give all the gifts, speak with all the wisdom, serve all the people––but if I don't have Him, I have nothing. This isn't just about being a good godparent, leader, or a woman of faith––it's about choosing Jesus every single day. It's about surrendering my tone, my heart posture, my reactions, my expectations...again and again. Its about keeping my eyes not just on the promise but on the PROMISER––the One who is the Promise, the Path, and the Peace. And as we move through life––whether it's school shopping or soul-searching––it's easy to forget the simple truth: Jesus is the gift. Not just at Christmas. Not just on Easter. But every morning we wake up with breath in our lungs. When we say yes to Him, we're not just accepting a belief––we're receiving a new way to live. A way rooted in love, grace, mercy, discipline, and truth. A way that calls us to live out His Word, not just quote it. To lean on His Spirit, not just our strength. To remember that when He came, He didn't just come to save us––He came to show us how to live. So if you're reading this and wondering where to start:

Start with Him.

Open your bible.

Open your heart.

And ask Him to make Himself real to you.

Because Jesus isn't just part of the story. He is the story. He is The King of kings.