To the Men I Tried to Love

"Real love is about being all in––not holding back, not hiding, not living in fantasy. It's about choosing the mess, the beauty, the work, and the joy of truly showing up for each other."

I tried.

I tried to love you with my whole heart––

but you only gave me fragments of yours.

Pieces. Slices. The parts that felt safe to show, while the rest of you hid behind charm, wit, and walls so high, even your own reflection couldn't climb them.

You wanted love––

but only on your terms.

Wanted closeness––

but not if it meant I'd see your mess.

You dreamed of warmth––

but flinched at the fire that could melt your armor.

You kept looking past me, searching for her––

the woman who wouldn't need too much,

who would feel safe but not smothering,

who could hold space for you without ever asking you to fill it too.

But love––real love––

is not a fantasy you can keep in your head.

Its not effortless, not always pretty,

not built on projections, potential, or poetry you don't live out.

Love cost something.

And me?

I started to think maybe I was too much.

Maybe if I stayed quieter, needed less, shrank smaller, you'd finally choose me.

But no.

Because no woman––not me, not the next, not the one after that––

can make you ready.

Only you can do the work.

And I say this not in anger,

but in truth, and maybe love still––

"Prefect love casts out fear."

And fear is what's keeping you lonely,

even when you're not alone.

You want the benefits of love

without the responsibilities.

The spark without the steady flame.

The connection without the costs.

But real love––real, God-breathed love––

will ask you to be seen.

It will ask you to stay when it's hard.

It will ask you to give, not just take.

It will stretch you, and yes––

it will make you uncomfortable.

And to the women who tried to love a man like this––

let me tell you what I had to learn:

You don't have to become less to be loved more.

You don't have to earn what was never yours to carry.

You don't have to heal what only he can heal with God's help.

And if you truly love him, pray for him.

And to you, man I tried to love––

I hope one day, you choose to be free.

Not by finding her,

But by finally facing you,

and surrendering your heart to God.